"If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong."
"To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research."
"If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining."
"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments."
"Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs."
"A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it."
"I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks."
"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."
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